Fathering the Fatherless

Recently I read a Spanish story about a man named Paco and his father. I secretly took a liking to the sound of this name and completed a little research into its English translation. When translated into English it is simply Frank. I must admit I was a little disappointed!

In this short story, Paco had become estranged from his father leaving home and cutting off all family ties. This troubled the father greatly and he completed a thorough search of all of Pacos known haunts, speaking to as many of his friends as possible all to no avail. The father was at a loss as to know what to do next so as a last resort took the bold step to put a full spread advertisement in the local newspaper.

This advertisement simply read in bold type;

Dear Paco,
Meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. From your father.

At noon on the requested Saturday eight hundred Pacos turned up expecting to meet their estranged father.

This simple story of the eight hundred and one Pacos (or Franks to their English friends) and one father highlights the sad reality that many people are missing the benefits of a father and/or a mother in their lives. However there is a solution to this sad reality that can be found with Father God and members of the family of believers being spiritual mothers and fathers to each other.

Father God is the best example of a parent that is available to the world. It is an unhappy observation that it is often true that people’s impression of God as father to them is clouded by the memory of how their parents interacted or interact with them. But the Bible communicates to us many of His characteristics that make him the ultimate expression of fatherhood. Take a moment to read just a few.

1. His love for us endures forever – Psalm 136
2. He forgives us when we ask for it – Psalm 130, He laughs – Psalm 2
3. He has compassion on us when we fall – Psalm 86:15
4. He is gives even when it hurts – John 3:16
5. He even disciplines us when we need it – Hebrews 12

Here in South Chard we have been enjoying the teachings of Pastor Neil about the call to evangelism. The members of the leadership team and congregation are expecting there to be a wave of new believers coming into our family throughout 2012. These new believers will be like babies who have just been born, many of them will know little about God and they will need mature believers to come alongside them and parent them into a position of strength in their walk with Jesus and in their spiritual lives.

Spiritual fathering and mothering is about taking the time to nurture another so that their progression from milk to solids (1 Corinthians 3:1-3) is swift. Spiritual parenting is not age specific but heart specific. It is not to do with the age of the person but the maturity and depth of that parent’s relationship with God.

The Apostle Paul wrote In 1 Corinthians 4:14-16,

I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. 15 Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16 Therefore I urge you to imitate me.

Paul did not have biological children but seems to have understood how children learn and realised the need for spiritual parenting in the rapid expansion of the early church. You have probably noticed that when a child learns to talk they progress at a greater speed when they are encouraged to make their first few words in conversation with an adult. This is the same with new believers – they grow the quickest when they have formed close, healthy and strong relationships with a mature Christian.

Like members of the 21st century church, Paul knew that for individuals to grow in strength, they need less Christian celebrities that seem unreachable and more people who they are in relationship with that they can glean knowledge from. Mature members of the body of Christ need to copy Paul’s attitude towards new converts and allow others to imitate us.

One of the most frequently preached on stories in the Old Testament is the story of Hannah crying out in desperation to God for a son. Hannah was so desperate in her actions and prayers that Eli (the High Priest) thought she was drunk and rebuked her until Hannah revealed the truth to him. The story tells us that God was moved by her desperation and He led Eli to prophecy that she would have a son a year later. Hannah was so filled with hope and excitement that she promised to God that she would give him back the son. The conclusion to this Old Testament story can be found in 1 Samuel 1:21-28.

21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfil his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.” 23 “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. 24 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the LORD at Shiloh. 25 When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, 26 and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.

We are unsure how Eli felt about Hannah leaving Samuel with him especially as he was an older man who had adult children. However we do know that he heard from God, loved the Lord and understood the ways of God. He might have even wanted another chance at being a good father. His sons, Hophni and Phinehas didn’t turn out that well and were described as wicked men in 1 Samuel 2:12. It is clear that he understood three principles;

1. That God entrusts a child to a parent
2. A parent does not get to choose his own children, but they are given to him by God
3. Likewise, a child does not get to choose their father

Like biological children, spiritual children are a gift from God and are given to us under direction of the Holy Spirit. We would be mistaken to claim a person as a child from God just because we can see the giftings and abilities that God has placed in them. We accept spiritual children from God as a gift from him and parent them with His help.

From my personal reading and studying, I have found some clear parallels between successful spiritual and biological parenting. The goal of parenting is to enable another to stand on their own two feet and become independent decision makers with their own opinions. It is also about providing for them the ability to have their own strong relationship with God.

Spiritual parenting is about

A. Mentoring: allowing them to learn from us so that they can be used in the Kingdom of God.
B. Helping them to move forward in their calling by listening to their desires and providing for their success.
C. Loving the child through the trials that will inevitably happen in their life
D. Speaking the truth in love to them, pointing out errors and failings from an attitude of care.
E. Praying with and for the child.

This last point is such an important aspect of spiritual fathering -prayer, which should be the central aspect of any Godly relationship. There is an email that is currently being sent around Christian communities about a man called George McCluskey whose children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren all had strong relationships with God as a result of his prayers.

When George started a family he decided to invest one hour every day in prayer because he wanted his children to follow Christ. Then he expanded his prayers to include his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Every day between 11am and noon he prayed for the next three generations.

As the years went by his two daughters committed their lives to Christ and married men who went into the ministry. These two couples produced four girls and one boy. Each of the girls married a minister and the boy became a pastor. The first two children born to this generation were both boys.

After leaving secondary school, the two cousins chose the same college and became roommates. During their second year one boy decided to go into the ministry. The other didn’t and he undoubtedly felt lots of pressure to continue the family legacy, but he chose instead to go his own way and pursue his interest in psychology. The young man earned his doctorate and eventually wrote books for parents that became bestsellers. Eventually he started a radio programme that was heard around the world each day. What was the man’s name? James Dobson.
So now you know the story of George McCluskey! He was just an ordinary man, but his prayers had an extraordinary effect on much of the western world.

Spiritual parenting is clearly not about;

A. Forcing ourselves, our own wishes, or gifting’s on the child.
B. Trying to control the desires or wishes of the child.
C. Trying to seize the role of their natural parents.

There are many books, including those written by George McCluskey’s grandson about parenthood. A different book will exhort different keys to successful parenthood. The first lesson to learn from the Bible about parenthood is that it is a blessing from God and is something to be cherished. This is the same with spiritual parenthood.

The writer of Psalm 127:3-5 wrote;

Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

There are eight main pillars of parenthood that enable us to be successful in the role of a parent which are each as important;

1. Loving no matter whatever the situation
2. Giving positive attention to the child
3. Respect
4. Being consistent
5. Providing support
6. Teaching through actions
7. Listening to the needs of the child
8. Adapting ourselves to be able to release them

As we enter 2012 consider asking the Lord if he wants you to become a spiritual father or mother to the many people who are going to be born again this year into the family of God. Start preparing yourself like an expectant mother or father would in the nine months of pregnancy and wait for God to reveal who your child will be!